Writing the Self 2: My Unknown Advantage

The year is 2016, I look at my phone in bewilderment and discomfort as there is a video of yet another African American man being shot by a police officer. The video, though relatively short, resembles one of many disappointments that attach to the still relative topic of racism. It is first mentioned that police arrived at their location due to a call about a man threatening suicide. Just then, a man is seen laying on his back with his arms up in the air as his patient, a younger autistic man is sitting with his legs crossed holding a toy truck. This man, who is a behavioral therapist, speaks to the police as he is next to his patient, yelling “All he has is a toy truck in his hand. A toy truck”. At the same time, he does his best to calm the younger man who is unsure of what is happening, continuously asking him to lay on his stomach, though he is unsuccessful. It is not shown in the video, but he is soon after shot by police and shown in the hospital making his recovery. Lying in his bed, he states that the police officer told him they did not know why they shot him when asked at the time of him being shot. My mind is racing with many questions as to why this happened and continues to happen. What did he do, or not do, for them to feel a need to do this? Why are they being so impulsive towards him? Will this problem associated with the police ever really end? Why are people of colour still brought down by those in society that are meant to protect us?

Although I have watched videos that are similar beforehand, I continue to think about what this might mean for society, and myself in particular. I struggle to find the answers to this and really just feel sadly for those who are affected by acts of racism, something that I feel I did not have any real understanding of at that time in comparison to present day. In the time between then and now, I have been educated further on this subject, most recently becoming aware of how it plays a part in my everyday life through teachings in my post-secondary schooling. My attention has been brought to what my own advantages are because of my race and the fact that I have many more than I could have ever thought of myself. As I still continue to see videos just like the one that I watched years ago today, I both question these acts, as well as why I am in such a different position from coloured individuals when it comes to our police force.

As a young white woman, I have no fear of police and rather see them as people who are working to protect myself and others. I was raised to believe that the police are good and care about everyone that is in harm or innocent. Any individual should be able to naturally feel the same about police officers and their role in society, though unfortunately I am unable to say that all people do because the colour of my skin has allowed me to see policemen as heroes rather than killers. I go about my everyday life without question or fear as to whether the things I have seen in these videos will ever happen to myself, family, or friends because I am one of many white people that carry the advantage of a skin colour that is made invisible to this threat.